Super Survival Tips To South India (Part II)

In a previous post I already gave away 6 super useful survival tips to South India and as promised I continue the list, for you to enjoy, learn...and survive!

7. Don't ask leading questions. Rather than wanting to dissapoint you, every south indian will do his best to answer your question or explain the way, even if he has no clue what you are talking about. If then you offer them the easy opportunities such as 'Should I go this direction to arrive at the mall?', the answer will undoubtly be a firm 'yes', though you might be walking the opposite way. Surely the good man believes you will arrive at your destination at some point, somehow, so it's not a real lie, right?

8. Never run when crossing the street. Crossing major boulevards in India is a balancing game that requires some skills and experience. In the beginning its easy to cross together with other locals, they are ALWAYS around anyway, but surely you will have to gather courage to give it a go alone someday. At that point, remember this primary survival rule and slowly manouver through traffic without any external sign of fear for the passing cars, bikes, rickshaws, cycles, pedestrians and mammels. Take firm steps and indicate the cars heading your way which way you want them to pass by. Thank God when you arrived on the other side.

9. Declare you are a student. It sounds pretty lame, but i've heard from several travellers and experienced myself that an imaginary student status facilitates bargaining. Being white you are considered a walking goldmine anyway (even if you are a poor backpacker or trainee), but it can help. Anyway it's better than coming up with the real story from which the salesman/driver will only pick up the keywords 'Sofware, America, Dollars, Manager', regardless of you actually mentioning them or not in your talk.

10. Confirm every sentence with ok,ok,ok,ok,ok and some head wiggling, that will make your conversation partner feel more comfortable talking to you. Even if you don't agree continue to say ok,ok,ok,ok,ok and end with a firm 'NO'. It's also pretty common to use the stop word 'correct' after every sentence, (pronounced 'Cerrect') as an acknowledgment of your understanding. This can end up in funny first meetings, when people reply 'Correct' to your birthdate or name.

11. Get a rabies shot. If you've read the Madras by night post you understand why. If you didn't you will understand the day you venture out at night and stand face to face with a dog that is not open to the idea of having foreigners in his hood (and is probably hungry too). Better to avoid dogs anyway I guess. A survial tip in the true sense of the word!

Survival Tips To South India

For those who want to make it through their stay in South India, plan on visiting Tamil land or are new in town, here are some tips to increase your chances of survival!

1. Ban white clothes from your inventory, they are useless here. Even if you have the courage to hand wash till you die, eventually the frustration of seeing a white shirt turning into a distinct yellow brownish tint within the first half an hour you are outside will make you go mad. Go for a sari or lungi in a dark color, and blend in.

2. Avoid the Police, they spoil the fun at every occasion and it can cost you some rupees to get rid of them. The list of things the police strongly dissaproves of includes but is not limited to: kissing in public, showing affection in public, being on the street after 11PM (= deportation!), drinking on the beach, driving without helmet and parking your bike when the governor passes by. On the other hand it's completely cool to ignore all possible traffic rules and cross red lights.



3. Build up an unusual amount of patience and zen to remain calm at all price. This tip is meant to avoid swift heart attacks when you have to wait half one hour for that one customer ahead of you, when it takes you 3 days, 10 phonecalls and 20 referals to send a package home by mail or when somebody showed you in the wrong direction for the 10th time and you are hopelessly lost in the city. Indian stretchable time apllies and adds at least half an hour to the agreed hour of appointment.

4. To make yourself understandable in English on the street only use nouns. Adjectives and other difficult grammatical constructions make communication rather complicated so better to avoid them. If you do ha ve to use an adjective (or actually for every possible noun) it's always useful to add '-ing' to it as the locals will understand you as one of them. For example: no 'cool' drink, but 'cooling' drink, you are not going to work, but 'going working' etc. Picking up some Tamil will surely impress Chennai autodrivers and increase your bargaining power.


5. Chances of getting bored if you stay for a longer are real, but no worries. Grab the newspaper in a dead moment and laugh for the rest of the day. Articles are usually badly written and the weekend edition often offers some great content to discuss among friends. Don't be surprised to see presumably 'Quality' newspapers boost articles about masturbation, arranged marriages, The Amazingly Dangerous City of Chennai or guys writing about how woman should dress or be succesfully approached. Fun guaranteed! (if you go clubbing, 90% chance you'll be in the newspaper yourself)

6. Bear the unstoppable curiosity of the Indians. There are many of them and they all want to know what a foreigner like you is doing after work and in the weekends. No question cannot be asked so prepare to get your way out of questions like 'How much you earn?' 'Is your girlfriend also your lover?' or 'Is it true in Europe people only drink beer and softdrinks? or even more common 'Which country?' and 'Good name?'



So far the first edition of survival tips to South India - To be continued!

*update 24/07: see part II of Survival tips in India